Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Umlaut-er than Everyone Else

What is it with submissions coming in from rough-and-tumble landscapes? Music marooned amidst hot climates, songs stranded in hardscrabble environs? It would seem that while our recruiting stations in Western Sahara and Outer Mongolia are acting as the proverbial honey to the fly, our outposts in the temperate zones are consistently missing their quotas.

Which brings me to our latest edict.

Effective Immediately: Cancel funding to embassies in Vienna, Buenos Aires, and...uh...Pago Pago. If there isn't hardpan in the area, I don't want to hear about it. Really, as long as there's suffering, thirst, starvation, and guys dressed in black leather with dull glinting metal things that used to be shiny shining metal things, we're in good shape. (As a last-minute substitute, permafrost is acceptable.)

Our latest submission comes from Acting-Ensign Grosz, a new arrival in the Corps, and this one's a hearty dose of classic metal, sure to scare the Red Squad back into their caves and keep them from impurifying our precious bodily fluids.


Here's Lemmy's version.

You got your pancho in my villa.

Do yourself a favor and check out the best article I've read this week, in which they explain:
The idea for [Motörhead's] umlaut came from Lemmy, the group's lead singer, who said, "I only put it in there to look mean."
Face the PROG of Blue Öyster Cult!!! ...Amon the DÜÜL of Amon Düül II!!! ...Note the GRAMMATICAL INCONSISTENCIES of Mötley Crüe!!!
All this and more...at WïkïÞëdïä...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Exoskeletons Never Did Nobody No Good

Dispatches from overseas have been in short supply this week, and I find out now that it's been due to a tussle on the deck of Admiral Boyle's aircraft carrier, the U.S.S. Scuttlebutt. Now, I'm reluctant to use the word "mutiny" in mixed company, so let's just say that a certain Admiral has a certain temper, and it was inflamed by a supposed infraction into his supposed territory, sparking a certain turf-war and eventually leaving him stranded in a dinghy off the coast of Cape Horn. I'll just leave it at that.

To keep his spirits up, Joe laid down this sweet little ditty to keep himself occupied until help arrived.

And give a listen to Ween's version here.

Boyle was dismayed to discover that the cause of his frustrations was nothing more than the trouble-making of the detestable scamp illustrated in this rarely seen image:

A bile-inducing "artist's rendition."

Known simply as The Mollusk, this ugly little bastard uses its over-developed cochlea to echo and mimic sonar waves. Then after strapping itself onto a ship hull, all barnacle-like, it messes with the transducers, or the capacitors, or something.

How's that for a last-minute wrap-up attributed to a previously unheard-of lifeform?

Joe has recorded a new version of his first song, You Can Close Your Eyes. Hop in the Delorean and motor back the first post to check it out.

Friday, April 18, 2008

In place of songs...

Music News from the Front!

Forgive us, dear citizen. The daily tribulations of battle management, supply coordination and ration... rationing - has taken its toll on all of us here at DemoWAR HQ. In the interim, I deliver two items of sonic importance which could not go unreported:

David Byrne and Brian Eno plan new album and tour!

From thedailyswarm:

The dream art-rock team of David Byrne and Brian Eno will return with new, strange fruit soon, the former Talking Heads man told NME recently. Speaking at an event in New York, Byrne revealed that the duo had rekindled the relationship they formed in the late 70s/early 80s which resulted in three Talking Heads records and 1981’s classic My Life in the Bush of Ghosts.

Full story here: Byrne/Eno Reuniting

The most unwanted song = 25 minutes of unlistenability

Yes, that is a word. A crew of musical pioneers got together and polled listeners to find out the most unappealing aspects of music. This, of course, led them to assemble a 25-minute long holiday composition combining ALL of these detestable ingredients. The closest thing I can compare this to is David Allen Coe's sublimely irritating You Never Even Call Me By My Name, in which he codifies what makes a "perfect country & western song." (Considered by some to be the most unappealing aspect of music.)

Full story (and link to song badness) here.

Both stories thanks to boingboing, a superb collection of design/music/electronic rights items. Visit them during your next lights out! Rest easy, troops. The calvary is on the way with four (4!) new bits of audio shrapnel to rout the enemy. Stay tuned!

Monday, April 7, 2008

"Acting-ensign Andreson, reporting for duty, sir!"

Let's see, Andreson...acting-ensign, first class... says here you were stranded behind enemy lines for the past three years, miraculously evading capture by shaving all your body hair, dressing conspicuously and standing creepily behind a dead tree (marsh locations a specialty.) That's a hell of a camouflage technique you got there. We appreciate your, well, your dedication to service and we're glad to have you back.
Let's give a listen to some of the intel you were able to obtain:

Download: Fitzgerald.mp3

Deep cover.

Damn fine work, Andreson! As a token of gratitude, we've scheduled a 21-gun salute to thank you, our new acting-ensign, for your first submission. Ready... aim... Not towards traffic, private! More sort-of...up, I guess. Jesus, don't they teach you anything in basic training? Aim... wait for the birds to pass... Johnson! Did you hear me say "fire"? Grenier, Shipley, grab Johnson. He's got that crazy look in his eye again. Pemberton, is that a flask? Medicine for your "nerves"?! Give me that!

If you troops think this sort of grab-ass is acceptable, let me be the first to tell you it is NOT! If we get kicked off this highway median for disorderly conduct, this will mark the last field trip for the rest of the year. Mark my words! Shoulder your weapons and haul ass back to camp.
Sorry you had to see that, Andreson. We'll kick these idiots into shape and maybe get you a proper salute next time.

Friday, April 4, 2008


Effective immediately, all media players on the site have been replaced with newer, meaner models.

Faster downloads, smoother playback; progress is power, people!


Wednesday, April 2, 2008

In which surrender is not an option.

In the true spirit of DemoWAR, the turnaround on this update was roughly 30 hours from concept to execution. Negotiations began on the possibility of a trans-Atlantic duet, the seeds of which, whether sown in Europe or North America, would ultimately flower on the opposite shore. This was to be an olive branch extended between two contentious parties; a breaking of bread to assuage a fitful alliance.

The duet idea was scrapped, however, when Joe delivered a perfectly complete version of Society, from Eddie Vedder's latest "album." The song arrived with harmonies and percussion included, despite Ryan's protestations of, "Wha?", "But I thought we...", and many shakings of fist.

Right click to download: Society.mp3

Click album art to sample the original:

Hippies, hippies, everywhere.

Florence, Italy - GMT 22:30:00
Phone calls were made, long-distance charges were incurred, and a rarely-used, unmarked door slid open silently in the hills near Certosa Del Galluzzo. The 14th century abbey has been classified as inactive since the early 1900s. Therefore, nobody saw the dark sedan as it rolled down the drive. No one was there to bear witness to its four passengers, their faces shrouded by hooded robes as they proceeded on their mission.

Meanwhile, in the States, a humble publisher's assistant makes his way back home. He swings his arms rhythmically as he walks, as if a song plays through his head. His mood can best be described as "content."

The fruits of his labor can be found here: No Ceiling.mp3

Into the Wild is a soundtrack, but it is entirely written and performed by one artist. Does that make it simply a soundtrack? An album? As an collection of songs, it rises above flops like Flash Gordon and Maximum Overdrive. As a score it's more song-based than Dead Man or Grizzly Man. It doesn't approach the rock opera vibe in Purple Rain.

Ultimately, the songs stand on their own in album fashion, and I find it most comparable to Tom Petty's soundtrack to She's the One. It's his best album between 1989 and 2006, and his worst-selling. I blame Ed Burns.

Duets are stupid anyways.

UPDATE: Having just heard from Joe, it seems that a cadre of anonymously-employed assassin monaci have been liquidated, and our brave Admiral Boyle is only slightly worse for wear, having merely sprained his ankle and scuffed his new calfskin loafers during the tussle. The injury is excusable. The scuff, alternately, is an affront to fine Italian leather.
Commendations to the Admiral for sleeping, as he says, "with one eye always
open, you bastards." and we look forward to many more fine contributions from him and his staff.

*Veddarian** -adj: of or pertaining to Eddie Vedder or related works (i.e. Pearl Jam, Hunger Strike, etc.)

**All rights to the term Veddarian are reserved by the author.