Monday, April 7, 2008

"Acting-ensign Andreson, reporting for duty, sir!"

Let's see, Andreson...acting-ensign, first class... says here you were stranded behind enemy lines for the past three years, miraculously evading capture by shaving all your body hair, dressing conspicuously and standing creepily behind a dead tree (marsh locations a specialty.) That's a hell of a camouflage technique you got there. We appreciate your, well, your dedication to service and we're glad to have you back.
Let's give a listen to some of the intel you were able to obtain:

Download: Fitzgerald.mp3

Deep cover.

Damn fine work, Andreson! As a token of gratitude, we've scheduled a 21-gun salute to thank you, our new acting-ensign, for your first submission. Ready... aim... Not towards traffic, private! More sort-of...up, I guess. Jesus, don't they teach you anything in basic training? Aim... wait for the birds to pass... Johnson! Did you hear me say "fire"? Grenier, Shipley, grab Johnson. He's got that crazy look in his eye again. Pemberton, is that a flask? Medicine for your "nerves"?! Give me that!

If you troops think this sort of grab-ass is acceptable, let me be the first to tell you it is NOT! If we get kicked off this highway median for disorderly conduct, this will mark the last field trip for the rest of the year. Mark my words! Shoulder your weapons and haul ass back to camp.
Sorry you had to see that, Andreson. We'll kick these idiots into shape and maybe get you a proper salute next time.

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