News: Parenting Takes a Backseat

to ROCK 'N' ROLL! (or a reasonable facsimile thereof.)

Beedledy whaow!

A few weeks ago, one enterprising youth from Raleigh, North Carolina was able to convince his parents to let him drop out of school and pursue a career as a professional Guitar Hero competitive gamer.

I'll pause for a moment while that sinks in. And in case some of you, Dear Readers, are in shock—unable to speak—I'll read it again, inserting an inner monologue for your convenience.

A few weeks ago, one enterprising youth from Raleigh, North Carolina was able to convince his parents (HIS WATERBRAINED, PREMATURELY-SENILE, DRUG-ADDLED PARENTS—SO UNFIT TO RAISE A CHILD THAT I FEAR THEY POSSESS NOT EVEN THE STRENGTH TO RAISE THE ROD WITH WHICH TO STRIKE HIM) to let him drop out of school and pursue a career (HOLD ON... Career: -noun- an occupation or profession, esp. one requiring special training, followed as one's lifework. RIGHT , THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT IT MEANT) as a professional Guitar Hero competitive gamer. (INSERT STRING OF *&^#$*$* CARTOON EXPLETIVES HERE)

And fine, there are professional gamers that make a living doing this. There is a skill in the mastery of a specific rule set - like chess, or chess. This set of rules belongs to video games. Fine. I dub thee "acceptable." There's just one problem. This kid is not that good. He's taken home a total of about $1000, a number that includes free Chick Fil A sandwiches. And that's certainly not good enough to do it full time while being home-schooled. (read: stripped of all viable social skills, doomed to date your cousin, etc, etc.)

Green-Green-Red-Green...Green-Green-Red-Green....ORANGE!

Another problem I have with this story is that it's lazily cobbled together, as illustrated by this quote from the journalistic giants at North Carolina News Observer:

"It's pretty sick," says Andrew Gambling, 27, who describes himself as a casual player. "He's talented."

Talented. This is the best quote they could get? One can only hope that it was due to their deadline, looming like a drunken clown at a children's birthday party, that newsobserver.com was forced to cut some other choice quotes from the final edition, like these!

"Dude, I don't know how he does it. " says Gabe Featherton. "It's like he's sitting at home playing Guitar Hero all day, or something."

"I mean, I don't know. It's cool, I guess." says Kara Lottaboudit. "Can I go now?"

Blake's former girlfriend, Lisa Catera, had a different perspective, however. "He spent more time fingering that plastic guitar than he did [hanging out with] me, that's for sure."

The full (but too brief to really be considered full,) story can be found here.