Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Too Many Secrets

We've been obsessed with codes for the past few weeks. There's been talk of code-breakers, patterns, ciphers, keys, hidden messages, riddles, enigmas, cryptography, cryptology, crypto-zoology, sasquat-chology, wendigology, Wendy Os, Wendy O Williamses, William F Buckleyses, F Murray Abrahameses, Abraham and Isaaceseses. Check the archives - it's all in there, couched in terms too... cryptic to comprehend.

So this week, we're going to focus on one of the hard working cipher-grunts here at DemoWAR HQ. He sits in the basement all day and night, using a Drogen's decoder wheel to decode static-filled triple-scrambled microwave transmissions between two soldiers talking in Mandarin Chinese. I'm referring, of course, to Acting-Ensign Rollie Hatch, code-crackologist extraordinaire and mastermind of Beauty and the RoBeast, a compendium of logic so dense and layered that it makes Godel, Escher and Bach look like a street-preacher's pamphlet.

Hatch's application sits on my desk as we speak,the ink still drying on his barely-legible blue-book essay questions. Well, crayon, I guess you would call it.

The handwriting is abominable, but his prose is stunning.

His first submission is revelatory; a breath of fresh air in these times of cultural whitewash. And taking into account the long, hard hours that Hatch puts in, I'll overlook the fact that it was clearly completed with the help of company time and resources. (disclaimer: I am not planning to overlook this.)


And listen to the original here: FNM_Get_Out.MP3

Stand clear of the closing jaws.

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